I wish I understood more about this place. As it is I am barely literate and know little about who we are, what I am. None of the rules that seem so obvious, so logical, hold up in the heart. Newtonian physics does not describe love. Nothing can predict where I will be tomorrow or even if I will be tomorrow.
I seem to be regressing because I know less and less all the time. I’m am receding back to the zygote while my body pushes on. It’s a parallax effect between spirit and form. My soul is moving at a different rate of speed and perhaps even a different direction entirely from my flesh and bones.
This is not a comfortable place. The spirit wants to float where it will but the body is bound up in the chains of a world that demands a toll for its sustenance. I have been struggling to reconcile this fact since I was ten years old. Perhaps younger. Smaller bodies are less bound by such laws.
To live in such a state is to live like a ghost, trapped between the worlds. We are all there together but some of us are in a deeper sleep.
The thing is, I am here and there is nothing I can really do about it. I must drag the body along on this metaphysical journey like a harpooned whale dragging a longboat. Eventually I will tire. Eventually I will drown. But likely not today.
I must remember that my spirit soars on a thermal. I don’t have to understand the whys and the hows. That is ego. Answers are vanity. I know only kindness. I know only love. But even those concepts I hardly can grasp. And I need help. Tomorrow is the Solstice and the light will get brighter here. That’s a metaphor I can hold onto.